Fantastic Four

 

Sorry, but Fantastic Four is hokey and actually a bit boring. It’s an origin story, telling the world how the Fantastic Four came to be.

Some of the scenes and even some of the effects reminded me of low-budget mid-century sci-fi, the kind often lampooned by Mystery Science Theater 3000. The script is workmanlike, advancing the thin story, but gives the cast few chances to shine.

The beginning of the film shows promise. The setup is good, beginning with grade school and high school versions of Reed (Miles Teller) and Ben (Jamie Bell) leading to their being recruited by Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey) to work with his kids Johnny (Michael B. Jordan) and Sue (Kate Mara) at Baxter on teleportation projects.

Convincing Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell) to cross over from his dark side and join the team is a dicey move.

By teleporting themselves to an alternate universe, the team members undergo the physical changes that make them the superheroes they become. Teleportation issues and confrontations with Doom form much of the (yawn) latter part of the film.

Hardcore fans of the Marvel Cinematic Universe will feel an obligation to see Fantastic Four, out of a sense of loyalty and duty. And to see if it is, indeed, as disappointing as was predicted and is now revealed to be.

Those of us who are not Marvel fanboys but enjoy a good Marvel film may want to stick with Ant-Man and Avengers: Age of Ultron for 2015 viewing pleasure.

(Sidebar note: Reg E. Cathey has an incredible deep voice. He might want to shoot for some of the voiceover work that currently goes to Morgan Freeman by default.)

 

 

 

Jupiter Ascending

 

Big dumb movie. There’s a reason Jupiter Ascending’s release date was pushed back from July 2014 to February 2015: it’s not very good.

Co-directors/co-writers Andy and Lana Wachowski make movies that contain gorgeous, imaginative visuals. But their stories and their storytelling abilities leave much to be desired.

Here’s the Jupiter Ascending scenario: Jupiter (Mila Kunis) is a Chicago housecleaner, just an ordinary (if beautiful) schlub whose 4:45 a.m. alarm gets her moving into another day of the drudgery of cleaning toilet bowls. Turns out that she has in her DNA some special stuff that several folks on a distant planet want.

Jupiter is transported to this faraway place where she encounters three siblings who are interested in her. Played by Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth and Tupence Middleton, the three Abrasax nogoodniks do their evil while good guys Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) and Stinger (Sean Bean) line up on Jupiter’s side.

Redmayne should probably have his recent Oscar nomination rescinded based on his overacting in this film. Tatum, with goatee, resembles Will Ferrell’s character in Zoolander. Kunis looks good, if occasionally baffled, throughout the film. The wedding outfit she wears as a bride-to-be is nothing short of stunning.

For what it’s worth, Jupiter Ascending, presents a welcome positive view of Jupiter’s U.S. extended family of Russian immigrants. (Several films of the past few years have depicted Russians as evil, treacherous people, often worse than the Cold War Russians.) Maybe this portrayal is a result of the Wachowskis’ eastern European family heritage. (A subtitle in Jupiter Ascending revealed a Russian curse that I may include in my repertoire: “Stalin’s Balls!”)

The effects are spectacular, the battles are amazing. But, ultimately, Jupiter Ascending fails. It’s a shame that the TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000 is no longer being produced. Jupiter Ascending, I think, would be an excellent candidate for an MST3K treatment.