Love Hurts

There’s a lot more HURT than LOVE in the new movie Love Hurts. The barrage of comic violence has folks in pain from fists, feet, guns, knives and various other means of human punishment.

The story? It’s the old “hit man tries to go straight” bit. Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan) is a successful realtor, having put behind him his history of violence. But when what appears to be a Valentine’s Day card arrives with an ominous message within, he realizes that he has to elude various parties who want to settle scores.

His main nemesis is his brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu) who has engaged numerous henchmen to help track him down. Gable’s old romantic flame Rose (Ariana DeBose) is also back in the picture. 

The film has numerous references to that holiday of love but to call Love Hurts a Valentine’s Day movie is kinda like calling Die Hard a Christmas movie. It’s not the sort of Valentine’s Day-related movie that would be likely to engender thoughts of romance.

Also in the cast are Sean Astin who was a cast mate of Quan 40 years ago in The Goonies and former NFL great Marshawn Lynch. Plus a quick appearance by one of TV’s Property Brothers.

Quan and DeBose both have on-screen charisma. And Oscars! So there is genuine talent here.

Love Hurts is a relatively mindless bit of “John Wick lite” type violence with a few laughs along the way. It clocks in at a thrifty 82 minutes. Rated R for the comic violence and F-bombs galore. But, interestingly, no sex or nudity. 

Argylle

Argylle is an action-packed thrill ride. It’s the kind of movie the world needs right now. There’s your pull quote. 

Bryce Dallas Howard is terrific as a spy tale novelist who quickly finds herself doing many of the wild and wooly things her books’ central character Argylle (Henry Cavill) does. 

Argylle is clever, funny, sometimes silly, colorful and, oh yes, violent. But much of that shooting and punching and kicking and exploding is of a comic nature—just as fantastical as the stuff in John Wick films but with a wink from the filmmaker. Argylle doesn’t move nearly as fast as the quick cut preview trailer does, but there are few slowdowns once it kicks off.

Director Matthew Vaughn, whose film Kingsman: The Secret Service (released here nine years ago) was filled with surprises and dekes and feints, brings similar turns and twists to Argylle. Vaughn also directed two Kingsman sequels, an X-men film and the 2007 fantasy Stardust, taken from a Neil Gaiman tale. 

When Elly Conway (Howard) finishes her fifth book, she sends her mom (Catherine O’Hara) the manuscript. When mom offers a critique, Elly takes a train to visit her mother in person. On the train she encounters Aidan (Sam Rockwell) who tells her his occupation is espionage. She notices he’s reading one of her Argylle spy novels. 

In short order, a fracas occurs on the train, starting Elly and Aidan on their adventure that takes them from somewhere in the western U.S. to London and on to the south of France where they visit a vineyard tended by Alfie (Samuel L. Jackson). Ah, but growing grapes is not Alfie’s real mission—he’s guiding spy missions from his man cave. 

Alfie is also the name of Elly’s cat who rides along in her backpack and looks out through the backpack’s round window. He’s not just along for the ride; he gets into the action at a couple of key moments.

Elly and Aidan’s travels take them to an oil tanker where a long battle occurs with a couple of ridiculously creative scenes that scriptwriter Jason Fuchs and Vaughn have crafted to provide some neat visuals.

Also in the film’s cast are Bryan Cranston, John Cena, Dua Lipa and Ariana DeBose. 

You’ve probably noticed a generally tense mood in the nation and the world in recent months. It’s not necessary to list the reasons why in this review. 

But it is necessary to tune out the world occasionally. Argylle provides a healthy dose of escapism with an engaging story, an array of memorable characters, an energetic soundtrack and one cool kitty. If you could benefit from a couple of hours of fun, you might like Argylle. It’s rated PG-13.

In theaters now, coming to Apple TV+ at a yet-to-be-announced date.