Category Archives: Uncategorized

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

My older son asked for the book Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter for a present last Christmas. He said he was intrigued by the title. Following a strong beginning, the book failed to maintain his interest and he put it down about halfway through.

I had a similar reaction to the movie “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.” The movie starts strong but begins to bore early on. The vampire killings are marginally entertaining, but they become redundant.

The lengthy battle with vampires on the train to Gettysburg is literal overkill—it goes on much too long. This distraction may explain why Lincoln’s speech at the battlefield, supposedly composed on the train ride, was so short and to the point. Unlike the well-crafted Gettysburg Address, this movie was not so neatly assembled.

My teenage daughter calls “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter” “hilarious!” I call it “ludicrous.” Surely you have better ways to waste two hours than with this bad movie.

 

 

 

 

 

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Snow White and The Huntsman

There’s a decent movie in here somewhere. “Snow White and the Huntsman” has a classic story, memorable characters, great special effects, spectacular settings and thrilling scenes. Yep, it has all the stuff we go to movies for.

But it gets off to a very slow start. I honestly found myself writing “Mystery Science Theatre 3000” type lines in my head during the first half of the movie. Some were funny. Trust me.

Also, while watching SWATH, there were numerous scenes and elements that made me think of other movies, from “Da Vinci Code” to “Shawshank Redemption” to “Star Wars” to “Narnia” to “Lord of the Rings” to “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” That’s not a good thing.

Let me add that it’s hard to watch Kristen Stewart (as Snow White) without thinking of her portrayal of Bella in the “Twilight” movies. She has talent and shows stronger acting chops in “Snow White and…” than in those vampire flicks.

One more complaint: the mirror in this movie looks more like a big gong.

Chris Hemsworth plays the Huntsman. While we know him as Thor, he (unlike Bella, um, Kristen Stewart) was more convincing in his performance. He’s a bit of a ruffian redneck, but brings the romantic charm at the key moment. Charlize Theron as the Queen is simmering with wickedness and allows it to boil over in the film’s climax. If you’re a Charlize fan, don’t miss SWATH.

As with “Mirror, Mirror,” the light-hearted Snow White movie that came out two months ago, I LOVED the dwarfs! Very smart to cast top British character actors, all normal sized men, and cinematically shrink them.

SWATH’s director is a rookie, Rupert Sanders, a veteran commercial director. His feature film debut, while far from perfect, is an impressive effort. “Snow White and the Huntsman” has much to offer that will be more greatly appreciated on the big screen than on TV (even if you do have an 80-inch HDTV). If you can tolerate a few shortcomings, there is (as I mentioned at the top) a decent movie in here somewhere.

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Dark Shadows

It’s simple: if you are a Depp fan, you must see “Dark Shadows.”

“Dark Shadows” is not Tim Burton’s best film. It has flaws. But it has Johnny Depp in a meaty role as the vampire Barnabas Collins. Depp is the reason to see the movie.

Another good is Eva Green as the witch Angelique. She looks great and she has fun with the role.

The two share a lovemaking scene that’s a classic. It’s not particularly sexy, but the way they literally bounce off the walls is ridiculously outrageous. At the end of their tryst, the room looks more like the site of a violent brawl than that of a hookup.

The story is set in 1972. After spending over two centuries underground in a casket, Barnabas is dug up by a construction crew. As he encounters modern life, he experiences some amusing culture shock.

We, the audience, get to enjoy our time travel backward 40 years to the cars and culture of ’72. “Deliverance” and “Superfly” are on movie marquees; the Carpenters sing “Top of the World” on a TV show. (One notable anachronism: Lyrics are recited from Steve Miller’s “The Joker,” which did not come along until 1973. And the Raspberries 1972 hit “Go All the Way,” which played over the closing credits, was not the original hit version—shameful!)

Since Barnabas spurned Angelique’s romantic overtures in the 1700’s, she turned him into a vampire and sent him to his 200+ year dirt nap. When he comes alive again in ’72, she’s still around and still desiring Barnabas.

Another reason to see the movie is the amazing 15-year-old Chloe Grace Maretz as the daughter of the ’72 era matriarch of the Collins clan. This young woman (best known for “Hugo,” “Kick-Ass” and “30 Rock”) sparkles on the big and small screens. With the right role, she could be an Oscar winner by age 21.

Add in Alice Cooper performing “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” and you have another hook to lure you in.

“Dark Shadows” is uneven and may fall short of some expectations/anticipations. But I like Depp, even in his less-than-awesome movies, and he’s fun to watch here.

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We Need To Talk About Kevin—((Kid Shock))

WNTTAK is not a “feel good” movie. It’s just the opposite. But if you miss it, you will miss Tilda Swinton delivering one of 2011’s best acting performances.

Tilda plays a woman for whom motherhood is not a happy experience. Baby Kevin makes noise. Child Kevin is a pill. Teenage Kevin is not unlike how one might imagine Rosemary’s Baby would’ve turned out.

Is Kevin a mental case or just a bad person? Did Tilda’s mothering cause him to turn out the way he did? OR did Kevin’s demeanor trigger something in Tilda? Is she brave or a fool for staying in her community after Kevin commits a violent act? These are among the questions the movie asks but does not answer completely.

John C. Reilly stars as Kevin’s father, but does not share the deep anguish that controls Tilda’s very being from the moment of Kevin’s birth.

Director Lynne Ramsey creates tension and signals alarm with her not-at-all-subtle use of the color red.

WNTTAK will not leave you unaffected. You are likely to be more greatly affected if you are a parent. Tilda’s character’s pains and frustrations are immense. Most parents have had similar feelings, but never on so grand a scale. Let Tilda Swinton show you—in her great performance—just how bad it can get.

Irrelevant trivia note: WNTTAK is the only movie I have ever seen with a credit for a “guinea pig costumer.”

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This Means War—(Reese Piece)

Ever had a food item that was good but made better by some special sauce or seasoning? In “This Means War,” Chelsea Handler provides the spice that makes this good movie better.

“This Means War” is a romantic action comedy. All three of those genres get their due. Reese Witherspoon meets two guys—one through an online dating service; the other via video store flirting. She ends up going out with both. Here’s the kicker: The two guys work together as CIA operatives! Plus they are best friends!

Personal anecdote that relates: When I moved to the Twin Cities a few decades ago, the first two women I dated—one via an arranged blind date; the other from a chance meeting at the state fair—both worked at the Three Sisters retail clothing store at Rosedale Mall! (I am now happily married to one of them.)

Back to TMW: Reese’s two guys are Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, two good-looking, likeable guys who realize early on that they’re dating the same woman. But Reese doesn’t know they know each other. Classic sitcom plotting, but handled well here.

Reese gets romantic advice from her married friend, played by Chelsea Handler. Handler is hilarious in this movie. Reportedly, “This Means War” was originally rated R, but some of Handler’s saucier language was clipped to get the rating knocked down to PG-13. I generally ignore “unrated” version DVD ‘s, but might look for this one when it comes out this spring or summer.

In addition to the romance and comedy, there’s action. The film kicks off with a battle in Hong Kong between our two CIA guys and some really mean bad guys. The fight involves gun play, hand-to-hand combat, helicopters and a fall from a tall building. The movie’s climax comes with a well-executed chase scene. The CIA aspect comes into play as each guy monitors the other guy’s wooing of Reese.

If I had to rank the movie’s three elements, I’d put comedy first, followed by action, then romance. My wife—you may remember her from Three Sisters in Rosedale Mall—ranks them exactly the same.

“This Means War” is not a movie to love, but is one to like. Have some fun with it.

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The Vow—((A Heart-Shaped Movie))

I have seen your cable channel future and it is “The Vow.” I predict this movie will become a cable staple for women like “Where the Heart Is” was a few years ago. It will turn up throughout the ‘teens on Lifetime, Hallmark, Oxygen, OWN and others and will be watched over and over by many.

Take two attractive, likeable characters. Put them in a crisis. Flash back to their meeting, their courtship and their marriage (which includes their self-written vows). If you have a romantic gene in your DNA, you will become engaged in their story.

The key element here is Channing Tatum’s character. Leo is the sensitive, romantic guy that most women want their own guy to be. He is not shown to have a jerky side, but is totally dedicated to his woman, Paige, played by Rachel McAdams. Leo also happens to be somewhat hunky.

The story, “inspired by true events,” has the couple involved in an auto accident. After recovery, Paige has no memory of the past few years, which include her entire time with Leo. Her parents, from whom she had been estranged, come back into her life after the accident.

Do I need to issue a spoiler alert? I won’t reveal whether the situation gets resolved, but will point out that this is a romantic movie being released just before Valentine’s Day.

Overall, this is a well-crafted movie with a few unexpected plot points. It feels just a bit too long, but that could be a result of the movie’s deliberate pacing and Tatum’s restrained acting style. Yes, “The Vow” is a perfect date movie—for new couples, as well as for old married people.

At the screening I attended, there were an inordinate number of women without men in the audience. If you’re a woman and your guy won’t take you to see “The Vow,” it’s okay to go with girlfriends. If you’re a man, here is an opportunity to show your woman that you can be just as sensitive and romantic as Leo (if not as hunky) by taking her to this movie.

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“The Woman in Black”—((Goosebumps!))

“The Woman in Black” is creepy good. With a tension-building musical score and clever lighting, the movie keeps the tingle going from scare to scare.

With an “all growed up” Daniel Radcliffe as the centerpiece of the movie, TWIB brings some old-fashioned fright. As opposed to many recent films that scare with outrageous CGI creatures and unbelievable settings, “Woman” takes us places we’ve all been. Darkened hallways, strange house noises, shadows in windows, late night door knocks, nervous dog barks, odd looks from strangers, sudden weird behavior from seemingly normal people—these occurrences in the movie help root the story in real life.

Radcliffe is Arthur Kibbs, an early 1900’s London attorney who is sent to a rural England town to go through a recently deceased woman’s papers. His job is to ascertain that the will his firm has is the correct one. Many of the townspeople give him dirty looks. Some discourage him from going to the woman’s home, a classic haunted house. Its location, on a hill, at the end of a long causeway, surrounded by a coastal marsh, adds to the mystique of the house.

When he arrives at the house, the spooky stuff begins. A favorite scene has Arthur exploring the upstairs of this haunted mansion. The creepy soundtrack music goes silent, allowing us to hear the creaks, pops and other vague noises that the house (and whoever else may be there) produces.

Arthur finds two useful allies in Mr. and Mrs. Daily, played by Ciaran Hinds and recent Oscar nominee Janet McTeer. They are rich enough to own the only car in town, but they share a particular sorrow with many others in the town.

Radcliffe, now 22, demonstrates that he is now old enough to grow whiskers and successfully portray a young adult. He’ll always be Harry, but he has a big future ahead that may someday equal his success of the past decade at Hogwarts.

If you’re a parent who allows kids younger than 13 to attend PG-13 movies like this one, take note. There are some scary elements that may engender nightmares and/or late night interruptions of your sleep by your troubled offspring.

 

 

 

 

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“Drive”—/Drive It Home (from Redbox, etc.)/

“Drive,” one of my favorites of 2011, has just been released on DVD and Blu-Ray. Here is my review, originally posted back in September. Sadly, “Drive” received ZERO Oscar acting nominations and its director was NOT nominated for Best Director at the Oscars. I think the movie has the elements of a classic. I know I look forward to seeing it again. I recommend it. Read on…

The movies I like best are the ones that feature three things. First, a good story. Second, compelling characters. Third, an interesting way of presenting that story.

“Drive” has all three elements. Ryan Gosling plays a guy who loves to drive. He’s a garage mechanic/movie stunt driver by day and a getaway car driver by night. He befriends his neighbor, played by Carey Mulligan and, later, does a favor for her husband.

The favor? Driving for a simple stickup. But things go bad, people get shot and Gosling’s driver gets involved with some very mean people who want to kill him.

Among the movie’s compelling characters is Bryan Cranston as Gosling’s boss at the garage. Cranston deserves a supporting actor nomination for his grizzled, limping, tragic, chronic victim type.

Albert Brooks is likely to be considered for a best supporting nom as well for his sleazy ex-movie producer turned hood.

Is Gosling Oscar-worthy in “Drive?”  Yes, but buzz is stronger for his work in “Ides of March” coming in three weeks.

The main reason this movie soars is its direction. Beautifully shot, gracefully paced. With a soundtrack that constantly surprises and entertains.

Director Nicolas Winding Refn won Best Director at Cannes this spring. He’s certain to be nominated for all the directing awards in the US this winter. His direction is stylish. There are tinges of Tarantino, but without the smirk.

Is “Drive” a classic? Maybe. It’s a movie that will, I believe, achieve cult status and will still be relevant decades from now. Rated “R.”

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“Albert Nobbs” ~Glenn Not Even Close~

The best cross-dressing movies are comedies. For a cross-dressing drama to work, we have to believe—at least a little bit—that the character really could pass for the gender she/he has chosen.

Glenn Close has, to my mind, a masculine shape to her face. However, she does not look at all like a man in “Albert Nobbs.” Janet McTeer, another woman who passes as a man in this movie, also looks like a woman dressed as a man. McTeer comes closer than Close because of her 6’1” stature.

If you can convince yourself that these two women could actually pass for males, you might be able to enjoy the story. Both women are talented actors. The Academy just gave Oscar nominations to both. Apparently somebody in Hollywood thinks these women make good men.

I do not. The reality, believability and overall quality of this movie is compromised by these two portrayals.

If you are a person who tries to see all of the major Oscar nominated performances, “Albert Nobbs” offers two for the price of one. If you want to see a movie with a story that could have been taken from real life, choose again.

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“Red Tails” (It Made the Tide Fly High!)

The Tuskegee Airmen deserve better. Those brave black men who flew in WWII get a major motion picture and it’s not nearly as good as it should have been.

This is the movie that the Alabama Crimson Tide football team saw the night before they crushed LSU. The story of dealing with adversity and performing well in a high-pressure situation delivers an upbeat, feel-good ending. The air battles provide thrills. The message is clear: working as a team is the road to victory. Roll Tide!

Sadly, “Red Tails” is plagued with hokey war movie dialogue and plot clichés. Since the movie is inspired by true events, the script (co-written by Aaron “Boondocks” MacGruder) should have been more realistic. My guess is that producers felt the film may have needed some of those familiar Hollywood elements to overcome inherent marketing problems.

The acting is generally good. I felt that Terrence Howard was miscast; a more Denzel-like player would’ve given more strength and credibility to the role of unit leader Colonel Bullard.

Will “Red Tails” with a primarily black cast cross over to attract white audiences? As they say at the end of TV news reports, “only time will tell.” “Red Tails” is an entertaining movie. You will feel a patriotic rush at the movie’s climax. It’s just unfortunate that the movie is not better than it is.

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